I am behind and need to do a marathon of Joy posting. Life has gotten more complicated around here now that SweetHeart is potty training and TenderHeart has allergy shots twice a week (a 30 minute drive away). This is combined with the usual homeschooling, tumbling lessons for TrueHeart, karate for TenderHeart, orthodontist appointments for both of them, and little BraveHeart who is awake and wanting me… all.the.time.
I shared yesterday with a friend that in a matter of just a few minutes, SweetHeart had pulled a tomato paste can out of the cabinet on her face which made me forget that I had put my sourdough starter in the oven just to warm it (and I cooked it!) and I panicked and stepped backwards in the puddle of pee in the kitchen floor (because SweetHeart was traumatized by the can in the face and wet herself) and it somehow wicked halfway up my sweatpants…. and then BraveHeart hurled a feeding’s worth of spit up aimed perfectly down my v-neck and into my underclothes. I guess he wanted it to go back where it came from.
Even when I don’t know whether to cry or laugh, I am overwhelmed with how blessed I am and how important this job is that the Lord has entrusted me with and called me to do. I am equally moved by the realization that I am HERE to do it.
I really struggled with fear the past few days. I began having the same bronchitis-like symptoms that started two years ago and resulted in the diagnosis of my rare lung disease. I didn’t tell anyone, not even Cowboy, that I called my pulmonologist and had a chest xray done, and I waited for two seemingly endless days and nights for the results. The thought of going back on 60 mg of prednisone a day made me want to weep and I knew the long-term prognosis was considerably worse if the lung disease ever flares again. I kept talking to the Lord about my fears, but it was a struggle to lay them down. I wish I could say I claimed victory in that area, but I didn’t.
And then they called me yesterday morning to say my chest x-ray was clear.
Unless you have been close to death and struggled to get oxygen, suffocating even though you were breathing, I don’t think I can fully explain what it is like to fear doing it again… or the relief of knowing I don’t have to. I am sure there are many other circumstances which could relate in your life, but these are mine.
Much of my gratitude this week centers around this grace from His hand…
134. A clear lung x-ray.
135. Every day I wake up feels like an “extra” day I didn’t think I would have two years ago.
136. Oxygen and the tiny little alveoli which do the miracle of exchanging it. Your creation is amazing.
137. BraveHeart…that You gave him to us even with all the doctors saying it probably wouldn’t happen because of my thyroid cancer and shouldn’t happen because of my lung disease. Yet, they are still clear. Your plan is best.
138. Your goodness, which would have been just as good if my lungs had been filled again with the fiber matrix that suffocates. Your goodness is not dependent on my circumstances, because again, Your plan is best.
139. The day this week when TrueHeart and TenderHeart spent two full hours after finishing their required lessons researching, rehearsing and performing all the details of the Japanese Tea Ceremony…. just because they wanted to. TrueHeart’s study this year of the Eastern Hemisphere has really been fascinating, and the blessing of being able to be with them as they learn… even when it is hard… is wonderful!
140. Cowboy’s Grandma Beulah, after a heart attack-pneumonia-kidney infection diagnosis, was alert and knew us last night… and said, “I love you, Corrie.” How she has impacted my life since I was a baby!
141. Finally perfecting the 100% whole wheat sourdough loaf of bread. You know how many times I have attempted it and how many “bricks” I had to throw out to the chickens in the process. I knew there had to be a way out there, and You listened to me pray about bread- of all things. Thank You.
142. Two more verses memorized in The Romans Project. This discipline is changing me.
143. An unexpected and unanimous response from our secret health plan group encouraging me to write a definitive guide to my plan for Kindle. There are many details I haven’t included in my blog, and I’m going to need Your help to organize it all and complete the project. Of course, I always need Your help!
144. That all my pants are suddenly loose and I can feel the changes in my body. Thank you for granting health and a way to pursue it.
145. A kindred spirit and friend who lives far away but is able to stay in almost constant contact with me through texting. I miss her so, and feel so lonely sometimes for a friend like her…here.
146. Our duck is setting! Cowboy’s Daddy and Cowboy’s brother built a beautiful duck house for her, and she has been laying eggs in it for weeks. She pulled her feathers out and surrounded her eggs with them, and is now nestled down over them to help them become. These kinds of Your miracles always amaze me.